“Sometimes you don’t realize you’re already drowning when you’re trying to become everyone else’s anchor.”
Being tired is ok, feeling like you can’t move a finger is ok, and feeling like you can’t bear another thought is ok since we’re all humans and we get tired after a long day of hustle, hard work, and with so much going on. But what is not ok is not getting enough rest before getting back to life.
The problem is that we often blame ourselves for not looking after ourselves. We believe that we deserve to be exhausted and that in order to succeed, we must overwork. However, if you look closely, the process should be exactly the reverse. The routine that you must follow is to plan ahead of time, work efficiently, and get enough rest so that you can appreciate the life that you have created every day by working so hard. What’s the point otherwise?
Remember, 괜찮지 않아도 괜찮아 It’s Okay Not to be Okay.
The truth is…
I’ve always been in the darkest times of my life, especially in the last several years. Every time I cried, I felt I was getting better. But it seems like it still feels suffocating every time I recall everything that occurred to me, even now.
For years, I’ve been a mess, out of breath and wondering why every move I make feels so tiring. I keep trying to be someone I AM NOT because that’s how they want to view me. Sometimes I’m not sure who the real ME is.
I’ve been trying to get away from those dreams because I don’t want to stay trapped and relive those dreadful memories. I thought I was healed. I really really thought I was. But the last time I spoke with someone; I never expected I would cry so hard just remembering those nightmares. That person even told me,
“I suppose you are not yet healed, still in the process, but not yet away from it,”
She said, leaving me speechless. It seems like a bolt of lightning has struck my chest, preventing me from breathing. Is this true? Am I still unwell? But why?
Maybe because all this time I’ve been coping with it. I am trying to rely on someone. I’ve been getting attention from those around me, my family, relatives, loved ones and friends. Especially being away from my family for years, my special someone and my friends are the only one I can rely on.
That is why, I keep holding on. Despite the fact that I am aware that the anguish of the past has not totally disappeared, I continue to fight back. Because I knew that my loved ones were always there for me as well as my friends. I keep holding on to the belief that they are simply there. But it isn’t. Because now, I’m starting to feel like I’m being slowly left alone. They’re leaving one by one. So now I’m starting to feel the pain of the past creeping back into my life. So it’s possible. That’s why that someone said that my prior pain hasn’t fully healed.
Until one day, I learned to listen this song…
To all who have endured the agonies of the past. I hope you give this song a try. I know you don’t understand the song, but you can sense the message through the music.
Problems can be so overwhelming at times that it feels like you’re suffocating. Just remember to take a deep breath and keep moving. There is so much worth fighting for in this world.
Breath by Lee Hi, this song was written by Kim Jhong hyun oppa of ShiNee before he passed away.
[English translation:]
Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
Like there’s nothing left inside
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words
Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words
Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
Even if others think your sigh
Takes out energy and strength
I already know
That you had a day that’s hard enough
To let out even a small sigh
Now don’t think of anything else
Let out a deep sigh
Just let it out like that
Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
You really did a good job
I am extremely grateful for this song. Because this is what I rely on when I’m alone and feeling down. Every time I hear this song, I can’t help but cry. It’s ok to cry even if only occasionally. That is not cowardice. Crying does not completely take away all the pain but somehow it relieves it and you feel better afterwards.
Everyone, thank you very much for your time. Hope your doing well. Yeoreobun Saranghaeyo!
Lu4nn3's M1nD 